stay-at-home mom

Over the years as I've talked to Mormon women (or read their blogs), I've seen a recurrent theme. Many women feel that being home full-time is a huge sacrifice and doesn't allow them the time or means to follow their own goals and dreams. Many women express that they don't even recognize themselves anymore as they've been swallowed up by motherhood.

I reflected on this and asked myself why I don't feel this way. After all, maybe I should. Being a mother was not my childhood dream. I knew I'd have children but I wanted a career and planned to have one. I wanted to marry later in life after I'd traveled and experienced "life" and "success".

Instead, I married young (age 20) and had FIVE children one of whom has a disability that was really time-consuming in his younger years. I did graduate from college and circumstances dictated that I work full-time for the first 13 years of our marriage. I got to experience the accolades, awards, and respect that come from being a professional. I loved the business that I was a part-owner in and found a lot of satisfaction and pride in my job.

So, when I was finally able to stay home full-time I thought I might go a little crazy. I thought I might miss the professional life and its accoutrements. Instead, I can truly say that while filling out "homemaker" on various forms as my occupation still does not fill me with pride, I really have loved being a stay-at-home mom.

I've reflected on this and I think these are things that helped me.

1) Find a friendship base. I knew I'd want adult conversation sometimes so I set up a scrapbooking group which met once a week. I was able to socialize and even do something that I enjoyed. I also joined Jazzercise which allows me an extra opportunity to meet new people and socialize a bit.

2) Continue your own education. I still complete 40 hours of CPE (continuing professional education) every year. This helps keep my brain sharp. Over the years I have also taken community education classes, attended BYU Education Week, or read books to help me learn and grow. Yes, I have temporarily put my Master's Degree plans on hold but I fully believe there will be a right time for that for me.

3) Continue pursuing your own dreams and goals. Again, some things have had to take a backseat (i.e. Master's Degree) but I have found there are goals I can continue to accomplish. I love teaching and I love youth and would love to someday become a youth inspirational speaker. In the meantime, I started substitute teaching seminary a few years ago. This is working towards my goal. I found a shift at the temple that I can work without it interfering with my family. I love that and feel it brings me one step closer to being an ordinance worker someday.

4) Get involved. I don't think of my "mommyness" as just being at home cleaning and doing laundry. I really try to get involved in my children's lives. I have volunteered on PTA boards, in the classroom, and on my children's soccer teams. I view my being involved as also teaching my children what is important to me (i.e. education).

5) Do things just for you. I Jazzercise, belong to a book club, etc. "Me" things!
Once in a while, it is okay to be a little bit selfish.

I have been truly blessed to have an incredibly supportive spouse. He encourages me in all my "projects" and does all he can to help me achieve the goals and dreams that I think are worth pursuing at this point in my life.

It is not all roses. I realize that my children are never going to award me plaques, give me a raise, or probably even publicly give me kudos. Some days it seems more trouble than it's worth to fix dinner for kids who will probably tell me "Yuck! Do I have to eat it?" Still, I can honestly say that being a full-time, stay-at-home mom has been rewarding, fulfilling, demanding, challenging, and very worthwhile.