identifying the problem

Another class that I found helpful at BYU Education Week was taught by John Bytheway. He talked about identifying problems correctly before we try to solve them. Problems stem from 3 areas:

1)Value - should I? (doesn't know value of doing it)
2)Motivation - will I? (knows should do but doesn't want to)
3)Competency - can I? (knows should do and wants to but doesn't know how or is unable)

For example, as a teen, I almost never made my bed. It wasn't because I didn't know how. After all, I worked a couple summers as a hotel maid - I could make hospital corners with the best of them. I just couldn't see any value in doing it. I was just going to sleep in it again and mess it up again. Why bother making it? It drove my mom crazy but having her show me how was not what was needed. There was no motivation to make my bed and I couldn't see the value in it so it didn't happen.

I think that as a parent, I often attack the value of a problem. For example, Brakston steady dated throughout high school against the prophets' counsel and his parents' wishes. I kept attacking the problem from a value standpoint. "You shouldn't do that." Now I can see that the issue was more competency based. I think it was too scary for him to ask out different girls. Steady dating felt safer and more comfortable.

My goal is to try to correctly identify the problem (whether as a parent or a spouse or a leader or whatever) before I jump in and try to solve it. I see the value in such an approach and I'm motivated, now let's just see if I am able to do so!