asking for permission to marry

There were many letters to the advice columnist in the paper this week regarding asking for a woman's hand in marriage. The viewpoints were very strong and diverse.

Basically, one camp believed that it was a traditional, thoughtful thing to do. Some women said they would never consider marrying a man who didn't ask their father for their hand in marriage.

The other camp opined that the practice was sexist and treated women as if they were mere property to be sold or traded or given away. They said they would never marry a man who did ask their father's permission.

I was intrigued. I fall into the camp that just thinks it's a beautiful tradition. I felt that my father valued me and just wanted to ensure I'd continue to be cared for properly. I believe most fathers love their little girls and want them to be happy. They might question the man about his ability to provide or about his commitment level but it is done out of love. I have never felt like the "property" of either my father or my husband.

On the other hand, the other camp did make a valid point. With marriage ages getting older and older, often women have been on their own for many years. They are capable of taking care of themselves. Why wouldn't they be able to make their own decision? Why would their father even be consulted? I can see their viewpoint.

Still, I am sentimental. I would truly hope that ALL of my children (boys and girls) would want our input on whom they marry. I would hope they would discuss it with us. And I would certainly hope that the men wishing to marry my daughters would want to ask Kevin's permission. I hope I've raised my children to be capable of taking care of themselves and capable of making their own decisions. But I think it's charming that fathers love their daughters and want to see them happy. Daddies have special places in their hearts for their little girls and that's okay with me.