Craig and 30th birthdays

Yesterday would have been my brother's, Craig, 30th birthday if he had not been killed by an impaired driver almost 19 years ago.

As I thought of Craig and of 30th birthdays, I thought of my own 30th birthday. It was NOT a good one for me. I really struggled with turning 30. It sounded so old to me. I loved being in my 20's. For one thing, at age 20 I had accomplished quite a bit and still had a whole lifetime ahead of me. Turning 30 somehow made that "whole lifetime" seem so much shorter. For another thing, I was the YW President at the time and as long as I was in my 20's, I didn't feel far removed from "my girls". However, turning 30 made me seem a whole generation away from them.

I think now that I should have been celebrating all the joyful moments I had a chance to experience. I know Craig is happy where he's at and doing what he's doing but we, as a family, were cheated out of enjoying some wonderful moments with him. I, in contrast, had the opportunity by the age of 30 to taste the sweetness of things like:

*graduating from high school
*attending and graduating from college
*getting married
*obtaining my first professional job and feeling the satisfaction of achievement and success in the workplace
*experiencing the thrill of airplane travel (yes, I get a rush when the plane leaves the ground)
*giving birth to three of my children
*experiencing the miracle of my children's first words and first steps
*running a marathon (wow! that was a sweet feeling of success and accomplishment!)
*buying our first home

I don't fear death, but I do hope that if God grants me a 60th birthday here on earth that I won't bemoan my age but will be grateful for the joys I had the opportinity to experience.

And Craig, you are always loved and still thought of. Happy Birthday, little bro!