heart-rending

I was at the elementary school this morning listening to my son, Chandler, read the book he authored to his class. The reading got interrupted as the principal came over the loud speaker and asked everyone to come out and sit in the halls and cheer on the ID (Intellectually Disabled) units as they headed off to their "Special Field Day" competition.

I lined up with the class out in the hall and was smiling and ready to cheer. Instead, the moment I laid eyes on the first athlete, I was in tears. Great big alligator tears running down my cheeks and smearing my make-up. I turned away unable to explain to Chandler's 2nd grade class, who were watching me so intently, why I was crying.

Why does the sight of special needs students getting cheered on tug so much at my heartstrings? I am sure it is because I can imagine my own son, Alec, walking proudly down those halls hearing and loving the cheers. Knowing Alec, he would be strutting with a big grin on his face, looking pleased as punch with himself, and high-fiving every person he passed.

I remember a similar tear-stained incident years ago. I was working for the federal government at the time and was asked to be in charge of the United Way fundraising drive. This entailed traveling to various offices and showing a video and speaking about the fundraising.

The video arrived and I previewed it. I was unprepared for the emotions that flooded out of me. The video was Garth Brooks music video for "Standing Outside the Fire". It portrayed a high school student with Down syndrome who refused to sign up for Special Olympics but instead signed up for the regular track meets. He practiced by running home with his mom driving alongside him in her vehicle. He attended the team practices and was always "miles" behind everyone else but still he persevered. His father was very unhappy. He was sure everyone would laugh and make fun of his boy.

The day of the big meet came and the boy with Down syndrome was ready to race. His mom watched proudly from the stands ready to cheer him on! We catch a glimpse of his father standing outside the gates peering on nervously. The race starts and soon the teen with Down syndrome is left far behind but he keeps going. Then, he trips. Some people rush to help him up but his father gets there first yelling, "No, don't touch him. He has to finish the race." Then he says to his son, "Get up, son. Keep going." The boy gets up and with his father running alongside him, he finishes the race. The song goes "Life is not tried, it is merely survived if you're standing outside the fire."

I watched the video over and over trying to become inured to the emotional heartwrench. It was no use! I cried in every office I had to show that video. Over and over and over I cried. To this day, I still cannot even blog about it without weeping.

I guess that is what I want most for my son, Alec. I want him not to have limits placed by others but to be able to do what he wants to do. I want him to be accepted and liked as a unique but great individual. I want others to recognize his worth. Most of all, I want him to be happy! And I suppose I want that for every one of those students who marched or rolled or stumbled down that elementary school hallway this morning.