It seems that I am always hearing people complain about women in Utah. They say they are fake or putting on a show of being perfect or words to that effect. What I don't get is if so many people feel this way, who is left to be the ones putting on the show?
I wonder sometimes if it isn't more the fact that we all live on top of each other so we know too much about other's lives without REALLY knowing the person. It is true that we often only see what others want us to see. I will admit that I don't like to air my dirty laundry, imperfections, and mistakes to everyone. I don't feel comfortable with that. Only when I get to know and trust people do I let down my guard. Does this make me fake or just protective of myself?
Is there more pressure in Utah than other places to be perfect? I don't think I feel pressure from others - only from myself. I know I have problems and faults. I know others have them too and I don't really mind if they want to keep them hidden from me. We are all struggling each day to improve. It is a struggle because we are human. We are the natural man and the natural man is an enemy to God.
Is the problem not that we hide our true selves from others but that we try to portray ourselves as not having any problems? Again, I wonder how much of this stems from living so closely to the people we go to church with, socialize with, and attend school functions with. Is the problem different in New York City or are so many people strangers that it is just not noticed?
As you can see, I don't have any answers only questions.
2 weeks ago
I have definitely heard people make this same complaint. I could be the one complaining or the one they are complaining about. I think in Utah we are put in a different situation than people who live elsewhere. Some of our neighbors are, our friends who we would share anything with, and then there are others that are friends but more of I would like to share a nice relief society lesson with, than I want you to know all about my life. I sometimes wonder when people ask "How are you?" Do they mean.....this is my nice way of greeting you, please tell you are fine so I can move on to the next person" or do they mean "How are you, I love you and want to know how you are, I want to know your happiness, your sadness, your joy, and your grief, I care about how you are!" You see I can't tell, I never know which of these questions people are asking. If you answer wrong you are in trouble...pour out your heart to someone who didn't want to know and you are the crazy lady who talks to much and has too many stories. Answer with a polite "fine" to someone who really cares and before too long you are fake. Oh I wish I could read people better. Your post made me think, I probably fall on the fake side more often than not, then again maybe I am the crazy lady who talks too much?
ReplyDeleteI would take having friends over strangers. I consider friends on all different levels, or maybe layers. Does that make more sense? As we peel back the layers in our own lives and as we grow and develope new layers are always being built up. As we go through life we are making new friends on every level. Friends can be the ones that walk into your life for a split second and reveal something that penetrates your soul and changes you! Woud you consider that fake? No. I consider that the growth period. I think you hit it on the head. I think the fake comes in when when people claim they have no problems, come across better than others, are very judgemental of others, or when they're so happy and bubbily all the time that they can't see straight. Maybe they are not secure in who they are or to busy covering up their life to make it look perfect. I have meet many people like this and I feel sorry for them. We utahns are a close community and I think that does play a BIG part. We do have control of how much pressure we put on ourselves. The days I don't want to talk or be social I can tell I'm being treated differently. I have learned that's okay. People will always judge. When we can get past the superficial with others, that's when I learn and grow and feel compassion for others and a greater understanding takes place. Are we enmeshed together with no boundaries and so into each other's lives that we forget to live our own? Only we can answer that. I truly feel our true friends and family keep us grounded. So what ever layer we are passing through or watching others go through from a distance, I have learned to try not to judge. Every person's levels are growth, good or bad. Life is a learning process. You made me take time and think thanks.
ReplyDeleteKaren
i judge myself more harshly than anyone ever could. i often feel that i dont belong at church because everyone else is such a better person than i am. this 'mindset' is a terrible place to be in, and even with much therapy, i still find myself bothered by it.
ReplyDeletei dont think it is worse here than other places. i think it is a human trait that when we are around like-minded-people, we always try to out do/one up. i heard this on doug frabriso (local npr celeb) and realized how true it is.
someone might say they hold fhe everyweek, the next will say the same but add she always has snacks, and the next will say she does fhe 2xs a week, with snacks and all the extended family. (the 2nd woman is after my own heart, the 3rd woman is nuts).
btw-i think you are amazing! you always put your family 1st (except at 5.30am when you put YOU first), always willing to help. and you arent doing it for any other reason than because you are marvelle and you love others. that is why you ROCK!
now go take a nap.
Thanks ba! BTW, I agree with you on the FHE -- love the 2nd, ??? the 3rd.
ReplyDelete