missing my missionary moments

Just when I think I have finally gotten used to Brakston being gone, I have two back-to-back moments of intense missing!

First, on Tuesday we went as a family to the Oquirrh Mountain Temple open house. We went to the Draper Temple open house as a complete family just days before Brakston entered the MTC. At the Draper Temple open house, I excitedly gathered my family around me in the sealing room so we could see ourselves reflected for eternity in the mirrors in the sealing room. It was a wonderful moment!

The Oquirrh Mountain Temple was lovely! It was peaceful and beautiful but when we were in the sealing room, I found I had absolutely NO desire to gather my family around me and look in the mirrors. I knew what I would notice most would be the absence of Brakston. I didn't want to see our family reflected for eternity without him!

The second "moment" occured yesterday when I was listing McKayla, Shanley, Chandler, and I on a flight for next week's trip to Phoenix. (It is the first time we've flown since going to Hawaii with Brakston in January before his mission.) I went to click on the appropriate travelers' names when I realized Brakston has been dropped from our family. AS IF he no longer is a part of our family! I realize that he was automatically dropped back in January when he turned 19 and was not a full-time student. That is company policy. It is not intended as a torture device for missionary moms. Still, it really hurt not to see him listed as a member of our family and it made me cry.

I really need to start facing the fact that my family is growing up. It might only be a matter of 10 1/2 years (about 1/2 the time Kevin and I have currently been married) until we are empty-nesters. OUCH!