unprepared missionary mom

I thought I'd prepared well for Brakston serving a mission for the church. I planned on it from his birth. Kevin and I helped him save money to pay for it. I bought several books on preparing for it. I had 3-ring notebooks with my "to-buy" and "to-do" lists. I made lists, I checked things off, I re-checked the lists.

Then, he's gone and I find I was not prepared at all! Nothing prepared me for the aching hole that is always my missing child. Nothing prepared me for my husband setting too many places at the table because he keeps forgetting that Brakston is gone. Nothing prepared me for being unable to figure out how many extra seats I have in the Suburban because subtracting one is too hard of math.

Nothing prepared me for bursting into tears when I think about him for too long. Nothing prepared me for the reality of going months on end without talking to him and without having him make me laugh. Nothing prepared me for holidays and family gatherings without him.

Nothing prepared me for the worry I feel about him. I used to think it odd that people would worry about their missionary. After all, the Lord will protect them. Now I find myself worrying (not about his physical safety - he is, after all, only in Arizona and that seems benign). I worry about his mental well-being. Does he get along with his companion? How is he handling the rejection?

Still, he's where he should be and where I want him to be. I am so proud of him! I just think they could have mentioned a few more things in those "preparedness" books that I read!

--scrappinsoccermama is adding "get over it and be happy" to her to-do list!