Down dilemma

I just finished reading "The Year My Son and I Were Born: A Story of Down Syndrome, Motherhood, and Self-Discovery". While I couldn't relate to a lot of the medical struggles (Alec has thankfully been very healthy), there were many emotional aspects with which I could relate.

One of the biggest dilemmas I have faced is whether to stress normalcy or embrace differences. Did I want to push Alec to act normal, to be normal, to achieve at a normal rate or to accept him how he is? I have strived to find a balance between the two. I dress Alec in clothing normal for someone his age. I urge him to use socially acceptable behavior. Yet, I try not to stifle his exuberant personality. He lives life fully and loudly. Still, I often second guess myself. Should I have pushed him more when he was younger? Would using flash cards from an early age have advanced his academic development? Maybe, but wthen ould he have been more unhappy? Does his happiness count for anything?

The only decision that was crystal clear to me was not using "drugs" to enhance his development. I vividly remember sitting in a conference room in Primary Children's Medical Center for a lecture on a "natural" drug that was being shown to have an effect on mental development. It also was touted for its ability to change facial features so the individual didn't look so "Down". I felt slightly nauseous about that. I knew without a doubt that I never wanted Alec to feel like I didn't love and accept him just as he is! Never should he feel he isn't good enough or that I want him changed.

Another thing I have always struggled with is the people who say, "You must be a very special mother to have a child with Down syndrome." I don't feel special. I don't think I had any super mothering abilities that made God trust me with this child more than he trusted someone else. Instead, I think Alec has helped me be more kind, more tolerant, more compassionate. He has enabled me to see the best in others. If I'm special at all, it's because Alec has helped me to become that way.

I've also never liked the stereotypes. People often say, "I just love people with Down syndrome. They are always so happy!" While Alec has a great capacity for happiness and love, he is a very normal teenage boy with a whole range of emotions. He gets angry, sad, upset, frustrated, mean, etc. What I do love about him is that when he's happy, you KNOW it!

I often worry that my scholastic expectations for Alec are too low. However, I love him dearly and care mostly about his happiness. He is a good person and I know he feels the Spirit in his life. He loved doing the "right" things - fulfilling his Priesthood duties, going to the temple, etc. I think that no matter how inadequate I might be as his mother, he will turn out just fine!