the BIG day

I can't believe it! My oldest child is getting married today. Wasn't he just in diapers? Just starting kindergarten? Playing in his first soccer game? Nervous about starting middle school? Going on his first date?

How does a mother learn to let go? I cried and cried when he left on his mission. It was so hard to see him go even though I wanted him to. You'd think that would've helped prepare me for letting him go now.

As if.

I'm crying now.

I just barely got him back from his mission. I have loved every single minute of having him back home. But those minutes were far too few. I wanted him to be MINE for a while longer.

I feel guilty for not being super excited about this marriage. I mean, I love Whitney. I am really happy to have her join our family. I just can hardly stand the thought of Brakston moving out of our home again.

Crap! I should have bought waterproof mascara!

simple pleasures

I've rediscovered one of the joys in life.

Monday night Brakston had a couple of friends over. There was Chris (who's been back from his mission for a little over a month) and Macy (who's been back 1 week). The three of them were on the high school cross-country team and hung out together.

They invited me to watch a movie with them. Curled up on the couch, with a warm blanket, watching The Bourne Identity with these three guys was BLISS!

Life was back to normal and it was good!

Wonder how long it will last before one of them goes off and gets married?

He's Home!

THREE WEEKS!

Yes, Brakson comes home 3 weeks from today. At this exact hour, I will be on my way to the airport to get him. I can't wait!

It is really odd how at peace I am currently. When he left, it was much harder than I ever could have imagined! I missed him so much! I kept thinking, "why didn't anyone ever warn me how difficult this is?"

I think I am beginning to understand now. I still miss him but, somehow, just knowing he will be home soon, has erased the ache in my gut. I am feeling peace and contentment.

I've decided it's like childbirth. If you could truly remember the pain, you'd never have more than one child. If you could ever truly remember the heartache and loneliness and emptiness of sending your child away for 2 years, you'd only let your eldest son serve a mission. However, time erases the pain. The excitement of having him come home has already replaced the hole in my chest. Life is really good again!

I'm sure I won't remember a thing by the time Chandler leaves in 9 more years and I'll willingly do it all again!

don't go changin'

Brakston's mission has really changed him in a lot of ways but I am very happy to report that his sense of humor has stayed intact.

Brakston could always make me laugh and he still does. In his letter last week, he told us he'd received his "trunky call" regarding his flight home. The mission office asked him which airport he wanted to fly into. He told them, "Hawaii!"

Gotta love that kid!

Then he told us that apparently they didn't believe him because they booked him into Salt Lake anyway.

Yesterday we received his itinerary. He will leave Phoenix Sky Harbor Airport at 7 am on January 25th. That's right - 10 weeks from yesterday!

Can't wait.

missionary moment

A Brakston update:

*He is serving as a zone leader
*He is in Mesa
*His letters home keep getting shorter
*He is missing receiving mail (people just aren't writing much anymore)
*He can no longer speak proper English (he gets the words in the wrong order)
*He is super-happy that he is guaranteed to stay Spanish-speaking for his entire mission
*He comes home 4 months from yesterday!

a long day

This morning at 8:30 I received a call from Brakston's mission president. He said Brakston had spent the night in the hospital due to stomach pain. They thought it might be an appendix attack and the mission president thought they might operate today. He said he'd keep us posted.

I have been waiting ALL day for a return call! Nothing yet.

I don't believe it's Brakston's appendix because he has had severe stomach trouble in the past. They ran a bunch of tests before his mission and couldn't determine what was wrong. Then the trouble stopped suddenly so they cleared him for his mission. I am thinking it is just the same thing as before - whatever that is.

I am guessing the mission president hasn't called yet because he has nothing to tell us. Probably no surgery and no diagnosis.

Still, I am rather anxious! This is the first time Brakston has ever been in the hospital and not only can I not be there, I can't even talk to him! It's about all I can do to keep from hopping on the next plane to Phoenix.

I am at least grateful for the small things. YEA that Brakston is in the states so I don't have to worry about the quality of his medical care!

My anxiety about his hospital stay is compounded by the fact that a week and a half ago he got two different infections in his eye. He has been fighting the infections and has been getting horrid headaches since he can't see! Also, he has a really tough companion right now (even his mission president told me that when we talked this morning). That seems like a lot to handle all at once when you're away from home and family.

It's been a long day waiting for that call!

--scrappinsoccermama is not known for being a patient person